Do People Like You Depressed?

Do People Like You Depressed?

Depression for me manifests itself in the following ways:

            First, I have learned people actually like me better depressed.  When I am depressed the last thing, I want to do is talk about myself.  I learned this at family parties, big thanksgivings with new strangers and just generally meeting new people.  What I learned here was people LOVE to talk, so my defense mechanism was to ask questions of them how’s your family, what are they doing etc. and basically hitting the tennis ball quickly back to the person I was speaking with.  The result was they walked away and said to my Mom ‘I love Lizzy she is a great person!’.

            On the work front the following things continued to happen for me.  I never had an interview that I didn’t get a job offer from.  In those jobs, my colleagues thought I was highly intelligent.  This is because in meetings I was struggling to focus and understand the points being discussed.  I kept quiet and towards the end of the meeting I commented or asked questions very succinctly and briefly that apparently were spot on the topic.  Finally, I got promoted quickly because of this which was horrible for me as I thought I was a good faker and unworthy of the responsibility. 

            Having said that, when the uptick (manic episode) happened I felt alive, highly functional, smart, pretty etc.  What I didn’t see was the downsides.  I was very quick at understanding the topic as a result I apparently over talked and interrupted the conversation.  I had no idea I was manic – I was just ‘Lizzy’ a happy go lucky, funny, smart and charming person.

            In conclusion, although I was ‘more successful’ depressed that faking made me more depressed.  The mania that followed caused me ultimate pain, breakups with boyfriends, job loss which … guess what ….  Made me depressed again.

            It is only years later, that I have processed and minimized the depression episodes through the guidance of my Doctor adjusting medicines and making sure I was taking care of myself which included medicine for the fact I wasn’t sleeping and adjustments to my regular drugs to help me move out of the two episodes.  Now I am totally not perfect with it, but I get it.  Well don’t you think I should after 61 years. 

            Hope this helps!

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